FEAR: INNATE OR CULTIVATED?

      Yesterday as I sat with a friend at the car pack of my institution's Student Union Building, resting, after standing under the sun for hours watching a Dog Show that was organized in school, I noticed a cute little girl who was seemingly waiting for a ride with her mum ( I presume) and two sisters. I could read the ebullience in her every action. It was a delight to watch her. A few minutes passed and several dog owners kept coming by( with their dogs of course) to take a cab to the School gate.
This little girl picked an interest in these dogs. While some of the owners of these pets waited for cabs, she would often try to go up to their dogs to touch and maybe play with them. I was amazed and awed by the fact that she kept going for the big ones. ( I'm totally scared of big dogs BTW. I mean, you need to have seen the Huge Rottweilers, Caucasian and Alsatian dogs, who wouldn't be scared?) I genuinely admired her spirit. But each time she wanted to go, her mum and sisters held her back saying stuff like "Don't touch it, it's wild and dangerous", "it'll bite you" and other scary things that create terrifying images in a little kid's mind. She wanted to defy them, but she's wasn't even strong enough to free her sister's hold on her hands. Her mum even went to the extent of illustrating how exactly a dog could rip her apart.
      After 3-4 more trials from her and countless scary tales, a man came to sit at the park with his Shepherd dog. The girl noticed the Dog and went like 'mummy see'. Her mum was like "yes it's a dog but don't go close to it, it's dangerous". The man tried to encourage the little girl that the Dog wouldn't harm her and that it was tame. But as soon as I saw the reluctance in her eyes, I knew the battle was lost. She walked towards him a bit, and then went back to hold her mother. Her earlier determination was destroyed. And I'm pretty sure that girl would likely end up being scared of dogs. I left soon after so I can't tell the aftermath though.
      The experience, as funny as it seemed, got me wondering however. Now I wonder if we truly fear the things we claim to be frightened of, or maybe it's an illusion we were made to believe in right from our early years. And I know for one that what one tells or teaches a child tends to stick and sets the foundation for the growth, development and mindset of the child. So is it possible that just a few words said non-challantly by the adults around us during our childhood are the triggers of our supposed 'worst fears'? It might be that I'm thinking to the extreme, but there's also the chance that I might be right. I've read alot of articles that state fear is just an illusion and one should always learn to conquer one's fears and stuff like that. But now I wonder if that alleged fear is meant to exist in the first place? I mean with this little girl, if there's something she was meant to fear, it shouldn't be dogs. It wasn't in her nature to. Atleast until the fear was built in her. That's why I'm asking; is fear innate or cultivated? Because right now, the fear of dogs is gonna be nurtured in that little girl. It is gonna be watered by the reactions and words of her family when she tries going near a dog. She would end up seeing dogs as creatures to be feared and avoided as against her natural instinct which saw them as fascinating and beautiful creatures.( I do admire dogs oh, but I like to do that from a distance, lol)
       I felt sad for the little girl actually. And it was an eye opener for me too. Maybe most things I fear were 'carried over' from some one else who was afraid of them. Maybe that 'fear' isn't mine to feel. Maybe it's not in my nature to fear these things. Maybe it's all an illusion really.
Think about it.

Read More

INDEPENDENCE DAY SPECIALE

      I'm a member of the Rotaract Club of University of Ibadan( the first one to be established in Nigeria actually) Yeah, UI reps the first in everything. Lol.
      All Rotaract Clubs are sponsored by and are Partners of Rotary Clubs in their respective districts. There are also Interact clubs and we are all under the umbrella of Rotary International; A Non-Profit Organization that seeks to create positive change in humanity and empower the less- priviledged.
      Rotary International is an awesome association that has changed my life since I gained membership. But I'll give you all the juicy deets about it on another post. To learn more about Rotary, click here. Now to the main agenda of today's post. Lol.
      On Independence Day ROTA UI held her Investiture Ceremony, where the Board of Directors of this Rotary Year were installed, New members were admitted and the Club launched two of its Community Projects. It was the best way to celebrate the emancipation of our Fatherland.
     Lest I forget, Happy Independence Day in arrears to you all. Let's not forget to keep praying for our dear country. Despite all we have gone through, we can only forge ahead. We shouldn't dwell on the sorrow of our yesterdays but rather, look forward to the promise of tomorrow. And don't forget, "Change begins with you and me".
   A few pictures from the event:

Rotary Serving Humanity Year!

Board of Directors

Outgoing president of the 'Be A Gift To The World' Rotary Year

Launching of one of the club's projects

Installation Committee Members

Chairperson of the occasion.

New members of the club being inducted.

Rotaract President for the 'Rotary Serving Humanity' Year

Photo Credit: Alawode Peter

Read More

HEARTBROKEN (A FEATURED POEM)

This pain in my heart
burns me physically
And emotionally
Can't even say which hurts more
Just that I know it burns

I get goosebumps all over
My whole body seems unable
To lift itself off the bed
Just letting itself languish in
the harshness of the bed.

I am not sad.
Sincerely sadness doesn't seem the word
Just uninterested in so many things.
The interest went with her

I lay, twist, turn
All in a bid for time to pass
But Alas!
Two hours is the new one week
And it seems
Time isn't the best healer of wounds
As it passes slowly
When one needs it to nitro itself.

Heart's shattered
Body weak
Interest gone
But it will only get better
Or isn't that what they say
When you tell them
Your heart is broken....

Poet: N.Hassan 

Read More

LOVE THYSELF

I ponder and wonder why we prioritize romantic love over other forms of love. Is it because of the butterflies we claim to feel in our bellies? Why can't I go out with my GIRLfriends and feel those same butterflies 'coz we get to spend time together regardless of our various hectic schedules. People say "God, I feel so lonely!" And I'm like are you so blind that you can't see all the people who love you more than life itself around you? Your family, best buddies, And its never enough? I fall victim of this sometimes too so I don't want to judge anyone. I tend to forget how amazing I am. I sometimes forget to tell myself how in love I am with the woman I'm becoming.
Ladies and Gents, you need to stop assuming that you need another person to complete you. You were created unique, beautiful and complete in yourself and Any other being only serves to complement you. Thus, that significant other should just be a complement and not your missing piece as people say.
Sure it's awesome to be in love with someone and to enjoy the companionship and other accompanying benefits but nothing can ever outweigh self-love or call it 'Positive Narcissism' ('cause too much of anything is bad, lol). Fall in love with yourself and be in tune with the inner YOU. So, when next you are alone, you shouldn't see it as a dreadful thing. Take it as an opportunity to discover new dimensions of yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. We all have our unique purpose and mission in this life that we'll need to be alone sometimes to fulfill.
Often times we 'lose' ourselves, all to please or be in love with someone. We tend to forget our relevance and we become strangers even to ourselves. While trying to be the best companions we can be, we overprioritize these other people and other aspects of our life start to suffer. This is when our friends make remarks such as "Kemi you have changed" or "Steven I dont seem to know you anymore these days". Do not take these comments as unimportant. They signify that something wrong is happening which shouldn't be.
I saw a picture message of recent which stated that "The average person loses two friends when they fall in love". That is as disappointing as it gets. Why do my friends have to suffer for my involvement in a relationship? This is why I'll reiterate the fact that SELF-LOVE IS KEY! If you love yourself enough and are confident in your person, if you know how to properly place every important person in your life on their right pedestal without any losing out for the benefit of another, then you'll have no problem making your relationship with your friends, family  and your flame last.
Balance in everything can never be overemphasized. Tilting to one side grossly would negatively affect the other sides .
When you understand this you'll learn to care for yourself, appreciate your family and friends and contribute to a positive relationship where one partner wouldn't choke the other with attention.

Lois Wyse wisely said "A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world."
Charles Kuralt further posited that, "The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege."

This goes to show that one should never compromise or neglect one's relationship with family and friends.
I'll conclude with Lucille Ball's erudite words, "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."

Read More

WHEN THE MIGHTY FALL...

Confucius once said, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
There's this Debate Competition that occurs anually in the University of Ibadan. It's claimed to be the biggest event in West Africa and it features a contest between all faculties in the institution. It's called 'Jaw War'. I am a Social Scientist, and last year we took the cup home! It was glorious to say the least. We were the champions of Public Speaking. Fast forward to this year's event, we had to scale through the first round and Quatre-finals atleast. (the whole school expected that, talk about pressure!)
Our speakers were ready, speeches perfected. We were gonna keep the cup afterall. Then the Faculty of Technology came to burn our hopes and turn them into meaningless ashes. We lost! The standing champions lost! And it was nothing short of disgraceful.

It hurt tons to lose. My friends represented the Faculty and I could see they were devastated by the outcome of the event. We didn't even get past the first stage! But this same people were part of those who won us the cup last year and I know they're awesome Public Speakers. It's hard to say what exactly went wrong.
But then I realised this happens to a good number of people too.
No one enjoys failure. In fact we've been taught to see it as an infectious killer disease, one to be feared and completely avoided. But as Paulo Coelho said "There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.'

It hurts more, I believe, to have already gotten to the apex and then fall to rock bottom. More often than not, the courage to start again falters. As a human being, one naturally gets discouraged and uninterested.
But that same day, the spirit of my comrades in the Social Sciences, particularly our L&D society was one to be admired. We encouraged our speakers and got determined to make better preparations ahead of next year. And that is what matters folks! When you fall, don't lie down there worrying about the bruises on you, you get UP, dust your clothes, clean your cuts and make sure you don't fall again. It's all about learning from your past. "There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hardwork and learning from failure." As Colin Powell wisely posited.
You cannot keep living your life based on "had I done 'this' I could have won, had I not done 'that' I wouldn't have lost". You've lost this time! You need to deal with that knowledge. You need to accept your temporary loss and forge ahead if not it becomes permanent. Learn from the past. Things you could have done better, apply them to your next tryout. You only become a failure when you stop trying. "I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. but I cannot accept not trying." These are the words of Michael Jordan.

The road to success is laden with the inevitable pitfalls called failure. But what matters is you getting back up and moving forward, however slowly you can do that.

I know next year will be better for my Faculty. It's not pride. I just know we're gonna learn from our mistakes, put in more work, remain dedicated, and take back what's ours! I'd suggest you do that too, in whatever way it applies to you.

When the MIGHTY fall, they do not sit and lick their wounds. They get back up, going stronger against all odds.

Read More

SHE WANTS MORE

This is for the men.
Have you ever had a girl you really liked and the feeling was mutual, you guys hit it off instantly and it's all going great. Suddenly, one day she calls or texts or tells you to your face that it's over and she simply can't give any cogent reason for it? You're left wondering what could have gone wrong, cause you did everything to make her happy; took her out (movies et al), introduced her to your friends, visited her often and probably had this awesome intimacy going on for both of you. It's simple, it wasn't enough. Not because you didn't do your best or that she didn't appreciate your efforts, but because you never satisfied some 'basic fantasies' that almost all ladies have.
Now, you must realize that 95% of girls would be content with a guy who does all I listed above for them. In fact they'd be madly in love with such a guy. But there's that 5% who wouldn't be necessarily "swept off their feet" by such actions. Are they ingrates? Hell no! Gold diggers? Far from it. Infact they want you to spend less. E.g, such a girl would appreciate a call from you by 3a.m, reminding her how much you love and adore her, than you taking her to see a movie. The thing is, she'll appreciate something men don't do regularly more than something as common as going to the movies.
Such girls love spontaneity and unpredictability. So, imagine her finding a hand-written love letter(make it as honest and emotional as possible but don't forget to infuse a little bit of humor) and a small box of chocolates with a note that says "You are as irresistible as they are" or "you are like a box of chocolates, sweet and soft" or whatever you choose to write, in her handbag on a stressful day. (Of course make sure she realizes it was sent from you, probably by using a phrase she's used to you saying or simply indicate your name) She'd be hooked onto you forever. This isn't so hard to achieve. Simply asking a friend of hers to help you with it is enough to do d trick or slipping it into her bag when she's not paying attention. This is, of course, just one example. Imagine the countless other ways you can thrill that special person in your life. Even the 95% average women would love such gestures.
Being plain and expressive with her is important.
Buy her flowers. I know it sounds cheesy but I doubt anyone does it nowadays and so she'll be surprised. Go an extra mile and pick fresh flowers by yourself. Put them in a vase and you can simply add a note or tell her "they remind me of you".
Take her out to a favorite spot of yours in the city. Maybe a garden or the top of a building. Tell her why it's so special. Ladies love when men share things they hold dear, it shows you trust her and you want her to be a part of your life.
Cuddle. I have to be honest, a lot of men ignore or overlook this. One major way to make your lady feel secure and in her element is when you cuddle right after being intimate. It makes her feel wanted and sexy. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Tell her how special she is and how lucky you are to have her. Hold her through all this. Say "I just want to hold on to you forever cos I don't want no nigga snatching what's mine", say it like you mean it.
Look at her. Not just the normal everyday look. Tell her with your eyes that "I'm never taking my eyes off you, cos you're simply the best thing I've ever set them on" let your eyes be filled with love and sincerity. Always.
Kiss her. Kiss her when she expects it and when she doesn't. Kiss her when she's angry and when she's excited, kiss her when she's being serious and when she's joking. When she wants to get angry and yell threaten her with a kiss (of course she'd still dare you and yell anyways, kiss her still, she wants you to and it'll be cute). Kiss her in front of others and claim her as yours. It has 2 advantages; it's send off a warning to preying men that she's already taken and it also makes her feel relevant and special to you.
The whole idea is that, to make a woman fall "head over heels" for you without any fear of her wanting to ever break up, you need to think out of the box. Be creative! Nothing is more interesting than a man who keeps you on your feet because you never can really tell what's up his sleeve.
Apply these tips to your relationships. Whether you're tryna woo a new girl in the neighbourhood or you just wanna add some spice to your love life (that has seemingly lost its thrill). Trust me it'll be fun.

P.S: Don't forget to leave your comments and feedback. I'd love to hear from you.

Read More

A Poem From Long Ago

I long for companionship.

The kind that leaves you whole and complete.
 The kind that consumes you.
That leaves your heart bubbling full of life.
The kind that a simple smile or touch kindles.

The kind that doesn't judge me.
The kind that loves me, flaws and all.
The kind that longs for me.

That companionship that sustains; through storms and calm.
The kind that doesn't come with expectations.
Just loving me through it all.

The companionship that never abandons.
 Always finding its way back to me.
The type of companionship that nautical miles never matter to.
The companionship that is true and pure.
Unstained by pretense or lies.

The rare one.
Only found by the lucky ones in a lifetime.
Eternal,
It transcends even at the end of life itself.
Like a star that never goes extinct.

The companionship that is slow.
Defies even time and never succumbs to the hustle-bustle of the world.
The kind that is like the earth itself,
always regenerating.
Soft yet fierce,
calm yet passionate.
The type that makes you at one with everything around you.

But I'm unlucky.
So I keep searching for this in friends and those who claim to love me.

My doom. My misfortune.

Read More